In Search of the Great Chinese Dream
Last Updated on Monday, August 16 2010 01:15 Written by Jay Caplan Wednesday, February 17 2010 05:46
I'm back in Montreal now, and people keep asking me if I have culture shock now that I’m not surrounded by Chinese people.
Actually, quite the opposite. I have culture cuddlies.
That's right. I want to get all snuggly with Canada and stay in and watch a video. Seriously. I'm back in my parents' house and unemployed and have no real prospects and I don't even care because I have clean water and air and every day I can go for a bike ride and see the sky. Weird.
I’ve been in Greater China for five years. Five years! Hard to believe half a decade of my life was decided by accident.
I started off in Hong Kong because of a random quirk in my university’s exchange program. I never chose China. But whenever I left, the lure of the brave new Chinese world kept drawing me back.
And I’m not alone. Plenty of confused, ambitious young professionals come to the inexorable conclusion that China is “the place to be,” especially during a recession.
But what’s your career really worth?
In Laos I realized what a toll China was taking on me. The hair that had fallen off the side of my head from stress grew back, and my bowels unclenched.
I made my way to Bangkok to catch a flight back to Shanghai, and there was almost driven to tears of joy by a day at the mall. I went to see an Oscar- nominated movie. I read comic books in a bookstore. I stared at girls who were not Chinese.
These simple pleasures struck my quite powerfully after having been deprived of them for some time. Something of what the inmate feels having that first cup of coffee upon release.
I was living in a society that isn’t free. For the love of God, why?
The writing was on the wall: I had to leave Shanghai.
In this frame of mind I returned to Shanghai for another year.
Well, actually, my thinking was more along the lines of: I’m finally single and out of that job I hated, so I might as well enjoy what there is to enjoy about Shanghai before I give up.
The day after my return I received three phone calls and three freelance jobs, and in that stroke of serendipity, the need to decide was put off.
I would live the life of a hipster freelancer that I had dreamed of for so long. I groomed my traveler’s beard, bought some black clothes, and rebranded myself accordingly. The freelance life was pretty good. No office, rare meetings, work on creative and challenging projects. I was also doing videos about the music scene for SPIN Earth, which was the kind of stuff I’d come to Shanghai to do in the first place: hang out with the cool kids and get indie cred.
I felt on top of my world. But “freelance” soon degraded to “unemployed”.
My life became kind of random. No more SPIN videos, no more writing. Mostly going to the pool and long breakfasts. I tried watercolors, and performed in a dinner theater murder mystery.
My drive was totally wasted. But I couldn’t close this chapter of my life like this, throwing in the towel with nothing to show for my time here but some cheap suits.
Five days before I was slated to return to Canada, Pepsi called me up and asked if I was free to write a blog about their new television show, a battle of the bands that would represent the biggest media platform ever for Chinese rock bands.
Now I’m back in Canada with a cool resume and nothing to do. But I don’t care. I’m FREE!
I managed to live in a city I despise for two years. It wasn’t only greed. There was excitement, opportunity, comfort, and most importantly excellent friends.
But I am burned out on the Great Chinese Dream.
It’s hard to resist the popular logic that China is where success lies. But we can’t let ourselves forget about passion, or what’s the point?
I started traveling for adventure, for the thrill of discovery. But over time my decision to stay in China became about security and stability. Hedging my bets. Forgetting my most basic need to wake up in the morning curious and excited.
But now I remember.
I wonder how South Africa is this time of year…
Cheers,
J
Subscribe to this comment's feed
| Next > |
|---|